Parenthood and long hair

If they don’t cut their hair in pregnancy, many women cut their hair shorter after the baby is born. The reason, as always, is that it’s easier to deal with. If you think about it, though, long hair may not require that much extra effort when compared to short hair. You’ll spend less time getting it cut at the salon, which can be nice when you have to fit that in around your children’s schedules. Brushing your hair only takes a little longer for well-maintaned long hair than it does for shorter hair. Pulling the hair back in a ponytail is easy and practical for any hair that is long enough for that style. I’ve always been fond of braiding my hair when I need a lot of control. Children love long hair. My daughter is always asking me to brush her hair long, “like Rapunzel’s.” My kids would be shocked if I cut my hair. But what about those hectic days when you have a hard time even getting into the shower? Isn’t long hair inconvenient then? It doesn’t have to be. Twist your hair up into a knot if you don’t absolutely have to brush it and you won’t have to wait for it to dry. My hair needs washing only about every other day before I start to notice an oily feeling… occasionally daily in summer due to the heat, and sometimes I suspect I could get away with washing it less in winter if I were in THAT much of a hurry. It’s just so nice to get out of the shower some days, feeling clean, but not needing to worry about drying my hair. Moms do not have to have short hair. It’s common practice these days, but it’s nice to stand out in a way you won’t regret later. I often get envious comments from other moms, and meeting other long haired moms is fun. No, we don’t talk about having long hair all the time… occasionally share care or styling tips, but I think most women do that anyhow. It’s just a little something we automatically know we have in common. Keeping your hair long is also a great way to feel feminine. My husband and I knew each other for years before we married, but had lost contact for a time, during which I grew my hair out. His first comment on seeing me after 5 years apart, aside from general hellos was “I love your hair.” I don’t say that’s the only reason we got back together, not by a long shot, but it sure didn’t hurt. He’d be quite disappointed if I cut my hair. Few men can resist long hair. When you’re a parent and sometimes there aren’t many ways to show your feelings, little things like teasing him with long hair works quite nicely.

Top 10 ways to prevent obesity in kids

I’m sure you’ve seen the dire reports about childhood obesity becoming rampant in America. It’s a scary thing and not an experience any of us wish upon our children. Preventing obesity can be easy and empowering for children. Give them control over their bodies. Teach them to tune in to their real needs and to treat themselves with love and respect. 1) Allow children to be in charge of which foods they eat. 2) Make all foods equal and teach kids to check in with their bodies and choose foods based on what their bodies are asking for. 3) Encourage them to know when they are full and to stop eating at that point. 4) Let them eat according to their own hunger patterns rather than according to external schedules. 5) De-emphasize body shape and weight. Encourage kids to love and accept their bodies unconditionally. 6) Help them find fun ways to move and play so they get plenty of enjoyable exercise every day. 7) Love them unconditionally and don’t make derogatory comments about their looks or weight. 8) Be sure they never get started on the damaging cycle of dieting and bingeing. 9) Let food just be fuel for the body. Don’t turn it into a reward or save certain things to be special treats. 10) Teach them to honor other people and not tease or make fun of others who are fat. Adults who want to lose weight through intuitive eating are encouraged to eat like a two year-old child. The most effective thing we can do to prevent childhood obesity is help children stay in touch with their bodies and honor its needs.

They should have beat me more the cycle of physical abuse

In December, 2005, I conducted a two-day workshop with men who had recently been released from prison for domestic violence. With the men were their wives, as well as the father of a batterer who was still in prison. The father, Douglas, sat in front of me, sharing his childhood experiences. “My momma was a very loving woman – a big-hearted, hard working loving woman,” he told me. From my many years of counseling, I knew that my definition of love and his definition of love were likely very different. “Did she ever beat you?” I asked. “Oh yeah. She beat me all the time. My daddy beat my momma and my momma beat me. But she beat me because I was bad. I was really bad. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have been so bad.” “What did she beat you with?” “Anything she could get her hands on. Extension cords, wooden spoons. Often I had to go into the yard and pick out the switch.” “How did you feel when you knew you were going to get a beating?” “Oh, I was terrified. I’d beg and plead and promise not to do again whatever it was she was mad at. But that never worked. I always got the beating. Then after the beating she would tell me that she loved me, that it was for my own good, and that it hurt her more than it hurt me.” “And how were you bad?” “Well, sometimes I’d come in late, and sometimes I would talk back. Then I got into alcohol and drugs at a very early age. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have done the alcohol and drugs.” “Why do you think you did the alcohol and drugs?” “I was just hurtin’ too much. It took me outta all the pain for awhile.” “What was the pain?” “I don’t know. I was just hurtin’ a lot.” “Do you think it is possible that you were hurting because the woman who was supposed to protect you was instead hurting you? That she was confusing you by telling you she loved you while she was beating and terrifying you? That there was no one to turn to for safety and nurturing? That you were scared much of the time for fear of the beatings? That you were terribly lonely and could not turn to your parents because they were the ones causing the pain?” Silence………Then he looked at me in shock. As the light bulb when on in his mind, the tears started rolling down his weathered cheeks. Soon he was sobbing. “That’s right…That’s right….The beatings were the problem. More beatings would not have helped. And I beat my children thinking it was the right thing to do, and now my son is in prison for beating his wife and protective services want to take away their daughter. And I almost hit her the other day when she didn’t mind me. I’m so glad I didn’t. This has to stop! This has to stop!” I looked around the room. Everyone was in tears. Kathy, the wife of one of the batterers, spoke up, sobbing. “I’ve always hit my kids, and no matter what anyone told me about it not being good, it never made sense to me. This is the first time I understand why it’s not a good or loving way to discipline my kids. And I can see why I’m having so many problems with my older son and why he is on drugs. He has always been furious with me and I had no idea why. Now I understand. I need to learn a new way to discipline. I’m going to take a parenting class and start reading parenting books.” I hugged Douglas for the profound work he did, and for the effect his work was having on everyone in the room. I thanked God for giving me the privilege of working with these people. All of them, it turned out, had been severely beaten as children. I am deeply grateful to James Beard who conducts workshops within the prison with batterers and to Lindsay Wagner, who also works with these men and their families. Both of them were assisting me at this workshop. We all smiled at each other in deep gratitude for the healing that was taking place.

Advice on how to successfully get your children to bed

Many parents find trying to get their child to bed at night to be one big struggle. The child may play up, whinge and even cry. When in bed, the child may then repeatedly keep getting out of bed and coming downstairs. This article gives advice on how to successfully get your child into bed at night, without all of this fuss. Some children even though they know that they are tired, do not want to miss out on any of the action or excitement. They want to spend as much time with mom and dad as possible. They can even see the fact that they have to go to bed before their parents as unjust and even cruel. These types of children will want to disrupt and even avoid going to bed at all cost. I myself have two young children and have been through this experience myself. My daughter especially needs her sleep and can be very moody in the mornings, if she has not had a particular amount of hours of it. As a parent it can become very frustrating as well as upsetting when you see your child crying because they do not want to go to bedments like, please dad just one more program on the television, were far too regular, and at times I felt like backing down. I have now learnt via reading many books on parenting, how to best deal with this situation. Each child now has a set time when they have to be in bed by. This is a time that they have both agreed to! They get changed into their pyjamas around half an hour before this time, and then can either spend that period of time playing with their toys or watching the television. If they want to play, we ensure that the games are relaxing ones and not too energetic. If there is a program that is on later than their agreed bedtimes, I agree to video it for them, this way they know that they are not missing out etc. I have agreed that I will read them a story at bedtime. This is something they both love and helps them to wind down and relax. They are also given a drink to go to bed with, therefore there is no need for them to keep coming downstairs. This drink is always a juice and should not be fizzy. I have explained to each child the importance of sleep and that it should be something to enjoy and not to see as some sort of punishment. I have even gone as far as saying that I would love to go to bed at the time that they do, unfortunately their mother does not allow it. I have tried to make their bedrooms their own little palace. A place that they want to spend time, a place which they find fun, relaxing and comfortable. My son likes to hear music and therefore we play a tape of his favourite songs in his room. The volume is set quite low and this certainly helps him to get to sleep quite quickly. These tips have helped to make our childrens bedtimes a pleasant experience, where it once was quite fraught. The children themselves are now into a routine, a routine they are happy with. I hope this advice proves useful to you as well. Good luck.